Posted by email@example.com on August 8, 2011 at 10:35 PM
So, after the euphoria of being offered a contract, the adrenaline high and the ever elusive excitement of finally reaching my dream, I feel like my writing has taken a lot of set backs. Well, being published has at least. With the publishing house that originally wanted my work not sending me a final contract to sign after all and then sending me an email informing me they think I would be stronger on my own (okaaaay?) and that they are focusing on their current authors I sit here, wondering just what direction to take to get my books published.
I’m questioning a lot of what I originally thought, one of the thoughts being that God had lined everything up with this publishing house, and other thoughts of, did I not hear God’s promptings and go off on my own? I thought I was in prayer and that I had been given wisdom to go in the direction I did, but it seems that I may have been wrong. I know that I have heard the voice of God recently, as I specifically asked for His wisdom in making the right decisions. Through much research of this particular house (and no, I’m not posting their name here as that could get me in a lot of trouble) I discovered a lot of things that just didn’t sit well with my stomach. And through prayer and patience, I know I have come to the right decision in moving on and putting the publishing house behind me.
I don’t feel the same crushing defeat as I did the last time I was turned down, but I do feel more than a little discouraged. In many ways it feels like I’m starting back at square one and I wonder, do I really stand any chance at all in the super competitive writing world, of being published by a reputable house? I know I have learned a lot, and I do mean a lot about the publishing world and how to craft my book into a much more polished, professional one, so I can’t even say it was a total waste of time. For the first time in two years it seemed liked a publisher had actually decided my work was professional grade and at last I got some notice in the publishing world, so again, I know all of this has not been for nothing.
If nothing else, I know that my writing is worthy of notice in the publishing world. I just don’t know if God’s telling me to give up my dream or just wait. And if I’m to wait, for how long? As as I moaned to my sister on the phone this evening, will I be forty when I finally get my first book onto the market? Then she grumbled, “What’s so bad about forty?” which of course made me laugh since she’s seven years older than me and forty isn’t that far away for her.
I’ve been struggling to focus on editing my book, but I have also been working on a proposal package and thinking through what publishing houses to approach. I know that I need to look for an agent again, and that in itself is discouraging. I’m trying really hard not to just throw in the towel and say forget it. There are times I really want to just give up, write for myself and be done with it. And then I realize that’s the coward’s way out. I need to see this through. It’s my dream and I know, deep down inside that God gave me this dream. It just gets discouraging when it seems like that dream will never, ever come true.
Well, signing off for now. I think I’ll go read one of the romantic scenes in book three to cheer me up a little.